


silent reveries

by hannahsapiens



Series: et invenies requiem nocte [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Civil War (Movie), Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, JARVIS - Freeform, M/M, Post Captain America: Civil War, Steve suffers with the fact that he's lost Tony forever, Tony dies, that was sarcastic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahsapiens/pseuds/hannahsapiens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>et requiescere post vanitatem, et tristitia mortem - the emptiness and sadness settles after death</p>
            </blockquote>





	silent reveries

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY. Listen up I was inspired.

_principium // the beginning_

Your name is Tony Stark, and your hero's name is Captain America.

You have collected comics and action figures ever since you found out that you can order Jarvis around. You have Captain America sheets and you are careful not to put any stains on it and your desk is littered with self-built Captain America action figures.

Howard Stark's rough voice drifts to your room, and bile almost rises up to your throat. You grab your Captain America bear (who you named Cappy Bear), turn off the lights and then head off straight to bed.

You dream of simple things. Paper planes, robot butlers and a field of chocolate.

Then you dream of big things. Of a loving father, a happy family and Captain America, saving you from all of these.

_in medio // the middle_

"Big man in a suit of armor. Take that away and what are you?"

Take that away, and what are you?

Your name is Tony Stark, and your hero is still Captain America.

It's been a good 25 years since you last saw your childhood bedroom, still filled with Captain America trinkets and still smelling like broken dreams and childhood innocence.

The little boy inside you who you thought died along your parents suddenly wakes up and feels giddy at the fact that his hero is here. His hero, Captain America came and will now save him from everything.

You tone it down a bit because this isn't the Captain America you dreamed about. This isn't the Captain America who will rescue you from the shit that is happening in your life.

No. This man is a different Captain America. This is a man who was frozen in ice for decades. This is a man who's mind was still stuck on the 40's. This man is almost a hundred years old. This man fell in love with your Aunt Peggy.

This man just asked you what you are under your armor.

What are you?

"Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist." Depressed. Suicidal. In desperate need of a hero. But you don't tell him that.

No. You don't tell anyone that.

Because you can't tell anyone that. Howard Stark's ghost still haunts the hollow corners of your body, and Maria Stark's gentle voice-a voice you remember so, so much-still reverberates in your empty heart, and these ghosts still haunt your dreams, your life, your very being.

So no. You can't tell Steven Grant Rogers, Captain America that you need a hero.

_a principio ad finem // the beginning of the end_

You should've known this would tear you apart.

Your name is Tony Stark, and your enemy's name is Captain America.

Hindsight is a bitch.

Really, you should've known this would tear your family apart. The accords, yes, morally they are right, but Steve always wanted to be free. Steve also wanted no barricades, no obstacles on his way. He's looking for Bucky. And he will protect Bucky, even if it means tearing Tony apart.

You spent a good lot of years living alone, depending on JARVIS and Peoper for a little bit of sanity and stability. Then you spend a good few years of your life creating a new family. A family you trust will never leave you alone.

But you were wrong.

Bruce left months ago, hiding off to who knows where. But you understand, because Bruce has it hard, and that sometimes a little solitude is good too.

Thor is back in Asgard. And you don't even dare disturb him. He needs a few months, years even, of peace. The guy deserves it.

The next people you lose are Natasha, Clint and Wanda. You knew from the start that even though Nat was on your side she will never stay. She was a wild soul, and you do not blame her for that. Clint, who "quitted" the avengers months ago, came back to proclaim his allegiance with Steve. And Wanda, who has only been with you for a short time, who was still recovering from the loss of her brother, is now on Steve's side.

Your slowly falling apart family gives you flashbacks of when Wanda gave you illusions. Illusions of your team dying, of seeing the mighty fall, of feeling Steve's neck and finding no pulse.

You silently relive the moments where you realized your real family is falling apart. You clutch your chest as you hear Howard Stark screaming, he's screaming and you're clutching Cappy Bear close while Maria Stark tries to scream back, but fails to do so due to the tears clogged in her throat.

You fell asleep to the sound of your silent sobbing and the wet pillow caressing your cheeks.

_statim finis // the end is near_

Your name is Tony Stark. And this is where it all ends for you.

You just found out that your friend. Your hero, your Captain America, knew all along that your parents were murdered, and that they were murdered by the person he tore his family for. Bucky Barnes.

"Did you know?"

"Yes."

You don't even know if you're angry, or sad, but you charge and you fight. You threw your punches, but you keep your words. You rip off Bucky's arm, and you don't care because Steve just ripped your heart out of your fucking chest and it hurts. It hurts so much.

"He's my friend."

His friend. His friend who he risked so much for. But he won't do the same for you. He will never do the same for you.

"So was I."

It's much easier to believe that he's doing this because he wants to give Bucky a better life. Everything is much easier to swallow when you pretend that the Avengers are still back in the tower, plotting where to eat. Everything is much easier to handle if you pretend and make up lies just to appease yourself.

You pretend that the punches he throws doesn't hurt. You pretend that the eyes staring right back at you after he rips off your helmet are a different set of eyes, not the same blue who you used to gaze up to in wonder.

You pretend that the shield slamming in your arc reactor doesn't hurt.

Nope. It doesn't.

You pretend that him walking away was the not most painful thing you have ever seen.

_finis // the end_

Tony Stark will have to pretend that he did not clutch Captain America's shield and cried until the reactor didn't hurt anymore.

He knew that his death was coming. He knew even before Steve threw the punch. He knew, even before Steve came into his life.

He fiddles with random buttons, and asks FRIDAY to send a copies of his will to the board and to Pepper.

Tony made sure that his family would be taken care of, right till the end. Even if they betrayed him.

Tony will never know if he died from the biting cold, or from the bleeding wound on his head, or from the reactor slowly powering down im his chest.

In fact, the world will never know.

_in pretio pretium // the price we pay_

Tony Stark had the funeral of a hero.

Pepper Potts was set to give a speech, but she broke down halfway through. Tony's bestest friend, Rhodey took slow steps towards the casket. But he didn't dare look. Because he can't see Tony like this. He would never want to see Tony like this. So still, so broken, yet so at peace.

At the end of the ceremony, after Tony's casket was six feet underground, four people remain standing.

"I know you're there, Steve." A broken down Pepper whispers.

Steve pulls down the hood.

"I'm sorry."

"Tony wouldn't want you to apologize." Rhodes says.

"Because he won't forgive me." Steve continues.

Pepper leaves first.

Rhodes leaves next.

Natasha comes forward.

"Steve."

"It wasn't supposed to end this way, Nat. You know that."

Natasha freezes, but tears continue to pour silently down her cheeks.

"Was it worth it? Cap?" She leaves.

_principium // the beginning_

"Hey Jarvis?" A sleepy Tony asks. His butler, trusted friend, and almost father Jarvis pauses at the door. He stares at Tony's too small-too fragile-frame, his body covered in a too big shirt.

"Yes sir?"

Tony yawns. He clutches Cappy Bear close. "You think? D'you think, that, Captain America would be my hero?"

Jarvis chokes back his tears. "Yes, Tony. I think he'd be honored you chose him to be your hero."

Tony smiles.

"That's good, Jarvis."

"That's good."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not kill me.
> 
> Title creds from // Arms of the Angel by Sarah Maclachlan 
> 
> I might do a Steve POV of this ;)


End file.
